Epic Rap Battles Of History – Thomas Jefferson Vs Frederick Douglass Lyrics






When in the course of human events

it becomes necessary

for a battle to commence

then kaplow

I hit ’em with the illness of my quill

I’m endowed

with certain unalienable skills

let me run down my resume will ya?

set up a little place called the United States

sound familiar?

I told King George he could eat a fat dick

when it comes to declarations

I’m the first draft pick

I’ll topple any tyrant

so king and pirates beware

I’m so down with revolutions

I invented the swivel chair

I’ve many volumes on my shelves it’s true

but I’ve yet to read the three books

you wrote about YOU

looking like a skunk in a three piece suit

didn’t come back from Paris to battle Pepe Le Pew

first Secretary of State

VP number two

not to mention thrid President

the f**k’d you do?

Frederick Douglass:

you finished?


straight outta bondage

a brainy mother f**ker here to diss you

big hair, big nuts, big issues

starting with your nickel

there’s a real declaration

heads for racist, tails for slave plantation

you’re a soft white Monticello Marshmallow

watching my people sweat, while you sat playing cello


but now you’re facing me, Freddy D

I’d never work for your ass, but I’ll kick it for free

you’re stone face on Rushmore ain’t nothing

check my photos, now that’s real muggin’

the face of a free man, taught himself to read man

no compromise, you couldn’t whip a 5th of me man

you got a self evident truth of your own, you let freedom ring

but never picked up the phone

Thomas Jefferson:

aw Frederick, I’ve never heard a verse I dug less

alright I admit it, I confess

I participated in a broken system that I hated, but I needed to keep my financial status situated

and the words I used were a “hideous blot” to describe the slave trade and the pain it had brought

and I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia when I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner

so forgive I was busy man I had a lot to do

but we did it you’re free now, so… we cool?

Frederick Douglass:

this ain’t Louisiana man, I ain’t buying it, you talk about freedom, but you ain’t applying shit

so no we ain’t cool, you founding absentee father

you had six babies with your slave mama and never even bothered to free her when you died on the 4th of July

it’s a very important holiday, but what the f**k does it mean to this guy?

cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865

the day the 13th damn amendment was ratified

and I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights, and we the people stopped meaning, we the people who are white

man you did some good things, I ain’t denying your fame, I’m just saying they need to put an asterisk next to your name